When Thanksgiving is sad
Thanksgiving is a gorgeous holiday. I love that we have a day dedicated to feasting, celebrating, and belonging with the people we love! Togetherness, warmth, gratitude, and pumpkin pie. I love it.
Yet, Thanksgiving also magnifies what’s missing. It can be filled with sadness and longing. The empty chair at the table—a reminder of lost loved ones, broken relationships, or missed connections—can weigh heavily on our hearts. Whether you’ve lost a dear one, are living far from family, or have chosen boundaries that keep you from old traditions, this time of year can amplify feelings of emptiness.
What do we do when Thanksgiving has empty chairs? An empty table? An empty home? An aching heart?
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This week, as we prepared for our second Thanksgiving abroad, I found myself feeling sad.
Thanksgiving in Australia is not Thanksgiving. It’s Spring, not Fall. You can’t buy canned pumpkin. The last Thursday in November is just a regular work day. But all those details can be worked around. The hardest part of Thanksgiving is not being with all our “people.” Some are with us which is so wonderful but most are on the other side of the world. And some loved ones have passed away. Thanksgiving is a reminder of who isn’t here.
And I guess that’s the tricky thing with Thanksgiving. It’s going to have loss, lack, and change because humans are not frozen in time. It’s inevitable. People change. People move. People pass away.
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We were created to share life, to know and be known, to love and be loved. When there is a loss or lack of these, it is natural—and healthy—to feel sad. The problem is, as a culture we don’t make much room for sadness. We don’t know what to do with it.
Emotional health isn’t a state of being happy. Emotional health is having appropriate emotions for the situation. And paying attention to what we’re feeling is key. When we suppress core emotions like sadness, we can get stuck emotionally and relationally. When sadness shows up, it’s important to pay attention and let it have space.
Thanksgiving sadness is an opportunity to be authentic with ourselves. Sadness is a friend inviting us to a vital deep inner journey. Instead of trying to push it aside, perhaps Thanksgiving sadness is a healing oracle we are blessed to spend time with.
Perhaps the heart of Thanksgiving isn’t about celebrating how great everything is right now, but holding space for a commemoration of all that has passed. Like Fall leaves hold the memory of the green, flourishing summer, Thanksgiving is a memorial service to what was. And our sadness is an expression of love.
How are you holding space for your sadness?
This year I have taken some alone time with a candle, some quiet music, and permission to grieve. It’s turning out to be deeply meaningful in ways I didn’t know I needed.
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To all my loves around the world,
I hope your Thanksgiving is beautiful
even in (especially in) the parts that are sad.
(Note: We are talking about sadness and grief, not depression. Depression requires professional support.)